Port Adelaide forward Jeremy Finlayson rues the lapse of care and consideration that led him to level a homophobic slur towards an opposition player.
Earlier this month, the AFL announced it was investigating a homophobic slur made by Finlayson and directed at an Essendon player during the third quarter of the sides' round-four encounter at Gather Round.
The slur was reportedly picked up on the on-field umpires' microphones but Finlayson subsequently self-reported the incident to the club.
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"Every day I wish I could take it all back," Finlayson told The Age.
"It's hard to talk about even now, and I don't know who I've hurt or how many people. I have family members who are gay and friends who are gay.
"I've reached out to them all to try to explain I just said something so wrong in the heat of the moment."
Finlayson became the first AFL player to be suspended for using a homophobic slur, receiving a three-week ban.
The 28-year-old professed the days following the incident had been "muted", compelling him to reflect on his behaviour and attempt to make amends for the harm he had caused others.
Finlayson revealed he addressed the club's AFLW coach Lauren Arnell — who is in a same-sex relationship — and tried to explain his behaviour.
He told The Age he pleaded with Arnell to understand that he was not anti-gay and that his comment in no way reflected his views on the LGBTQ community.
Finlayson also implored Port Adelaide football boss Chris Davies to allow him a chance to speak to his teammates.
"If I didn't, I knew it would haunt me," he said of addressing the playing group.
"I was so ashamed and I knew it wasn't just about me. I'd dragged them all down a bit. I'd dragged the whole club into this. Every article, every comment, it was about Power or Port."
Finlayson attempted to explain why he used the offensive and insulting word, claiming he performs at his best when he plays on the edge.
Port had scored a goal late in the third term of the 69-point win. In response, Finlayson directed the slur at the unnamed Essendon player and referenced the player's lack of impact on the game, specifically his possession count.
He immediately saw the comment had upset the player before saying to another Essendon opponent: "I wish I hadn't said that".
After the final siren, Finlayson sought out the Essendon player and apologised for his actions.
"I've reached out to him and I will again," he said.
"But I'm only starting to learn about this and there's a lot more education I need to do.
"I've already learned so much from the education I've done already, and I just wish it hadn't taken what I've done for me to understand this."
Finlayson also found himself in hot water after responding to his suspension on his wife Kellie Finlayson's podcast, in which he said he was annoyed with the severity of his punishment.
Finlayson has now completed his three-game suspension and is available to lineup for Port Adelaide in Thursday night's showdown with Adelaide.
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